Usually, guys pull away for relatively short periods. However, generally, the pull-away phase might last from a few days to years. In some cases, he might choose to not return at all. A general rule when it comes to men that pull away is that the deeper the connection the shorter the pull-away stage is likely to last. The bigger the issue that is bugging him and the bigger the fear to communicate, the longer the pull-away stage is likely to last. To be more specific, here are a few factors that play an important role in how long it will last when he pulls away:
Your reaction to his space;The issues he’s dealing with;The depth of your connection, his love or his feelings for you;His intentions regarding the relationship or connection with you;External factors that condition your connection.
To generalize it and frame it so that it can be a bit more comprehensive, here’s how long it lasts when a man pulls away:
1. It might take him a few days to come back.
When your connection is deep -you clearly have feelings for each other- and an issue occurs within the connection, he might pull away for a few days. Depending on the issue, it might take him a few days to deal with it and clear his thoughts on it. Be aware and notice if this is a pattern of his behavior! Pulling away for a few days could also be a result of narcissistic tactics. Generally speaking, he’ll pull away for a few days if you have a particular issue that’s solvable. This means that the pull-away phase will only last a few days until he calms down, or comes up with a decision.
2. It might take him one week or more.
If he’s catching feelings for you but is dealing with insecurities and fears throughout the process then he’s likely to take his time nice and slow. A guy generally pulls away for a few weeks when the issues he’s dealing with are solvable throughout that time. Those issues can be things such as deciding whether you two are a good match, when he’s not sure about how he’s feeling, or fear of his feelings, etc… If he’s been close with you, if he’s been showing you genuine affection, and everything else was going well with your connection then he’s very likely to come back after a week or a few weeks.
3. A month, more than a month, perhaps years as well.
When the circumstances and other external factors -things you can’t change at the moment- play an important role in your relationship, he will pull away for a longer period. Such issues can be long distances, family issues, mental health issues, or other things that take a relatively long time to get solved and settled. Again, the bigger the issues that condition the pace and the flow of your relationship, the longer they take to be solved. And the longer it takes for those issues to be solved, the longer the time he might take to come back after pulling away.
4. He might never come back: It might last forever…
A guy might pull away for… forever if he’s made up his mind for it. How long a guy pulls away for, again, depends on a variety of factors. Things you can’t help, things you can’t change no matter how hard you try. The thought and the idea that he might pull away forever are scary ones. However, it’s a scenario you shouldn’t neglect or exclude from your expectations. Usually, this permanent withdrawal occurs when:
He didn’t see you as a long-term match from the beginning;The spark within the relationship was lost;He’s been playing games, now he fulfilled his intentions;He found someone else that he thinks suits him better;He didn’t see the connection as fulfilling, etc;
The list above is a very hurtful list with a lot of pills that are hard to swallow. However, it is seen as a healthier choice to accept the truth to yourself rather than set expectations that will never be met. If you suspect that he’s been resonating with one of the above, then he might be staying in that pull-away stage for a long time.
Should you wait for him? What to do?
His return is just as unpredictable as his departure. Hence, we need to have a talk about this! When a guy pulls away, you can wait as long as you wish; But, if you want the best for yourself, then the most reasonable time to wait for him is a few weeks at the most. On the other hand, the answer to the “How long to wait?” question also depends on two main factors:
His reasoning for pulling away (Think: Did he tell you the reasons why he’s pulling away or did he just vanish out of nowhere?)His approach to you and to himself
This is very important to address because his approach to you before he pulled away can tell a lot about his return and the time he’s going to take before it. You’re high value, he pulled away, you’re waiting for a few weeks, what to do?
– Keep your expectations low.
Keeping your expectations low will prevent you from heartbreak. Sitting on your own and imagining unrealistic scenarios of his return will set you up with unrealistic hope. That can feel good for a brief second, but in the long-term when reality hits it will be harsh on you when those expectations don’t get met. This is why you should try to drop it as it is, see the situation as it is, and avoid expecting a particular return at a particular moment.
– See how this is making you feel. Did you get an explanation?
It is very important to sit with yourself and understand how you’re feeling about this situation overall. If you’re feeling confused it is most likely because he didn’t give you an explanation before he pulled away. That’s an unhealthy practice of communication. On the other hand, if you’re feeling sad or angry, you should understand that those are normal and very common to experience in your situation. An important focus should be on not letting this affect the way you see yourself as a person.
– Keep living your life as you did before you met him.
It’s very important to catch up with things you did before you met him. Instead of just sitting around, looking at the phone, and waiting for his return, you should return to your life instead. I know, it’s easier said than done. But, give yourself time to be sad, and once that time is over, go back to life and joy! Get yourself out of despair when you feel ready to.
Participate in activities you love;Surround yourself with people you love and trust;Get into exercise, yoga, or meditation;Focus on your well-being, joy, and happiness.
– Wait for a few weeks before you let it go entirely.
If the connection had a big impact on you, and if he has a special place in your heart, letting it go can be more difficult. This is why, if you feel like making your contribution, wait for him for a few weeks. Set a limit for yourself, and say:
“For the sake of my own well-being, I will wait [number] of days, and once the limit is reached, I will move on with my life!”
Let that be your mantra! Once that period is crossed, you’re a free bird to explore what else is in the dating world. Of course, if that’s not something you like, you simply let it go and mark a boundary that protects you and your joy.
– Talk to a trusted therapist about it.
You’re not in a situation that can be handled lightly. You can feel confused, worthless, sad, angry, or all of them together at the same time. It’s crucial for this to not have an impact on the way you evaluate yourself, how you appreciate yourself, and how you feel about yourself overall.
Understand that his presence in your life does not add or subtract value from who you are and what you do.
A trusted therapist can help you understand how you’re feeling, why you’re feeling that way, and how to get out of that place of despair. A conversation about it can open your eyes and help you understand that his return can be irrelevant and unimportant if you depend your well-being on it. Whether he takes a day, a week, a year, or forever… Don’t let your self-perception depend on it! Warm hugs, Callisto
